Is This Being Recorded For Quality Assurance?

I’m fortunate enough to be in a critique group with two of my best friends. I love these women. When it comes to writing, they are the wind beneath my wings, the ice in my diet coke, the ketchup on my mac and cheese. I rely on them to steer me in the right direction and to scream and shout when I’m not. We have a system, and our system works.

For the last year, things have been rolling smoothly. Then along came a nasty four-letter word: B-L-O-G.

That’s right, blog. Our free flowing creative brains are now full of muck. No more plotting discussions or writing exercises. The grand stories we’ve toiled over for months are collecting dust because of hopping, tweeting, and following. You’d think these ladies might feel resentful with all this blogging business, but they are like little girls at a slumber party, giggling and plotting.

No one’s safe from my blogging friends.

With phone in hand to take an easy picture or send a quick tweet, these women are blog ready. Their eyes search any room they inhabit for that one subject worthy of a new post. They listen in on conversations, awaiting a juicy tidbit in some poor sap’s life that will get a chuckle. A funny sign in a restroom or an embarrassing moment in a family member’s past. Nothing is off limits as long as names can be changed to protect the oblivious.

I’m not immune either. After telling one of them, who we’ll call “Unfortunate Mary,” about a problem with a friend, I knew I wouldn’t be safe again.

“I’m worried about a friend of mine,” I said during one of our early morning chats. “She’s having intense breast pain.”

“Does she think it's cancer?” Concern filled Unfortunate Mary’s voice.

“She read somewhere that too much caffeine causes pain and swelling in breast tissue, so she’s not worried about it.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone, which should’ve clued me in.

“Swelling, huh?” She paused again. “Hmmm. Interesting.”

I knew by the tone in her voice that Unfortunate Mary had a plan—a blogging plan. She’d already posted about the lack of curves in her upper body and the pitfalls of wearing a training bra as an adult.

“How much caffeine do you think is too much?” she asked.

“Are you kidding me? It causes pain.”

“But it could be a really funny experiment and depending on the swelling . . . ”

I finally managed to dissuade Unfortunate Mary, although I heard she has a fancy new coffee maker.

Are you an obsessed blogger too? Do you have a little notebook stashed away just in case you discover a new post idea? Is your phone chirping from the new emails/tweets on your iPhone at all hours of the day?  ;)