I’ve been popping in and out of twitter in my quest to get back in the writing groove. At first, I felt a little revived—I even edited a bit—but now I’m feeling a bit like the last person in line for Black Friday. The fact is there are a crapload of writers out there and each, it seems, is one-step ahead of me.
I knew there were a lot of aspiring writers, but in the short time I've been on hiatus, there have been a surge of self published writers all tweeting for me to buy their book, read their blog, review this, retweet that . . . Ay yi yi. Am I foolish in my endeavors to become a writer?
Maybe. I chose the wrong career in the first place. I could be wrong again.
I’ve been doing some research and have found several promising careers that I’m betting are safer, more reachable. After all, the world is my oyster, right? Lots of opportunities.
Speaking of Oysters . . .
I could be an “Oyster Floater”. No really, I could. Did you know oysters need to float in specially attuned water in order to remove impurities? Yep, it’s true. Who likes impure Oysters? Not this girl. I like mine as unadulterated as a Hallmark commercial.
What about a “Pet Food Taster”? I’ve been meaning to give up real food for good, since it’s so delicious and makes my ass big. What better way than to taste pet food for a living? I can’t imagine I’d ever want to put anything in my mouth ever again, especially after I went to my part-time job as a . . .
“Vomit Collector”. Yep, no theme park would be complete without those folks whose sole purpose is to clean up the yak around the rides that inspire the worst motion sickness.
After excelling at those, I would be quite the “Odor Judge”. I mean, who wouldn’t want their nose shoved into a hairy ol’ armpit. I’m thinking after I ate some pet food and cleaned up barf all day, a whiff of an armpit would be like soft serve ice cream on a hot day.
Or, I can go a whole different route and work with animals. I love animals. I could be a “Chicken Sexer”. Think how important it is to decipher the genitalia of newly-hatched birds and inventorying the males vs. the females. That’s a big time job.
And after I checked the kibbles and bits of poultry, I could slip on over to the barn and inseminate Bessie the cow. “Animal Insemination” is a necessary for us to keep up our food supply.
Similar to this line of work is one that I think not many would pass up. In fact, I’m surprised I didn’t hear about it before. A “Livestock Masturbator” (nope, not making this up) acquires the body fluids necessary for conception, which as all you know, play an integral role in our food supply. Have you thanked your Livestock Masturbator lately? If not, you should. A plate of cookies at Christmas would be nice. I would just avoid the cream filled center kind.
I’m feeling a little better knowing that even though I’m one of many in a sea of wanna-be writers, I have options. There are career paths out there waiting for me. So if you see me on twitter #amvomitcollecting or #chickensexing, you’ll know I’ve embarked on a new journey.
BTW, those are real job titles. Not making it up.
So how are you feeling amongst all the promising writers out there? Feeling like jumping ship, perhaps becoming an Ostrich Babysitter? Are you overwhelmed as I am with all the pimping of books and blogs.
15 comments:
I mean you do offer such a overwhelming supply of options for that supplemental income. Unfortunately, none really ring my bell like the wonderful hermit lifestyle of writing. The numbers are huge, now. It will thin and the cream will rise to the top. Keep writing and blogging. You can do it. You can do this!
You are so right , Diana, about the sheer volume of writers of all kinds out there now. Some days I detest all online stuff, then I remember how necessary it is these days. I think you have to keep focused on your own writing and goals or you'll become disillusioned (if not already) - you are unique. And it sure beats all those other wacky jobs!
Yep there's a lot of authors out there. Thanks for giving me some other options!
You are looking ahead and seeing all these writers ahead of you... wanna feel better? take a nice look behind you! :)
Ahh, Nuria! I like that. It's all about perspective, my dear. There are a boat load of writers out there, but there is no where else I'd rather be.
Though armpit sniffer is quite tempting :)
The term aspiring writer is an odd one anyway.
In my eyes, you are a writer, or you aren't. See Yoda.
Now, aspiring to be a writer who actually earns a living on that craft (or things related to it) is a different story of course.
There are days when chicken sexing does seem appealing in contrast. Usually these days are the ones where even knowing that it's your job to get the damned words out and onto the page doesn't help shake anything loose.
But hopefully those are few and far between for you . . . ;)
The cream will rise to the top, eh? so fitting for my post. lol.
Great advice. It does seem like there are days when I'm overwhelmed with all the social media, but there are great people out there who make it fun and worthwhile.
Thanks for popping by. Thinking about that chicken sexer job, eh? It does sound tempting. ;)
Wow, that is a great thing to say. Look at you being all smart and stuff.
I knew you'd like that armpit sniffer gig! Just think of all the deductions for taxes...tempting. Although, you do have allergies, so maybe you should stick to zombies.
Great point, Harper. I think more along the lines of aspiring to own the "author" tag, maybe that's what I mean--aspiring author.
Love me some Yoda, I do. :)
Sadly, there are times, I think dog food may be tastier than some of the things I manage to throw together. Eep!
It does get a bit frustrating when it seems that self-pubbed authors are stalking me and constantly hocking their wares. But I recognize it as the nature of that particular beast. I don't let myself get too caught up in that portion of things though, since I don't see that as the path I'm going to take for myself...it's all the "I just got a fantastic new agent" tweets that make me green with envy.
Lmao! Butt sniffer?> No thanks. As for the masturbation they do that for dogs also. Again... I'll pass. But then again I'd probably rock that job. Kidding. That was wrong... I'm saying a prayer for forgiveness right now. Wait how much does it pay?
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